“And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.'” -Kurt Vonnegut
It’s been a few months since I have actively worked on my Happiness Project–but contentment, energy, and enthusiasm have found me nonetheless.
The Project was such a good way for me to get started in building a different kind of life. When I first read the book in October, I was feeling stuck. Lethargic. Frustrated. Hurt. Small. Discouraged.
Reading the book woke me up: I realized that I had to make changes, and that no one else could do that for me. I recognized that I had all the important pillars of a happy life: health, independence, loving family and friends, a place to live, an education, a world full of opportunities. I had the tools, connections, and resources to take advantage of anything I set my mind to, and my circumstances were beyond simply fortunate.
Knowing this, and reading the book, I kept thinking: if I’m not living a life I enjoy, that’s on me. I have all the tools I need. At this point, it is a matter of making the decision to change whatever is not working, and nothing is preventing me from doing that.
And how wonderful is it to be able to say that? It has not always been the case. I realized then, more fully than ever before, how much had changed in my life–especially mentally and emotionally. I had what I had always wished for: the peace of mind and strength of heart (and, frankly, the resources which only come with adulthood) to choose my life. Years ago, I only hoped that would be the case.
So, I set out to diligently work on my Happiness Project goals. At first, I did just that. And then, little by little, the goals seemed unnecessary. The simple act of prioritizing joy–seeking it, spending time cultivating it, talking about it–helped me look at life as an opportunity to enjoy myself. To connect with people. To make it fun. To sometimes be balanced and sometimes forget all about balance.
In the last few months, I have…
- Climbed two mountains (and set a new goal of climbing 46 more, to do all 48 of the New Hampshire 4,000 footers. I mean, that view.)
- Leased a new car (which I am obsessed with)
- Gone through another breakup (seems like the Universe is really going to keep pushing this love-yourself-first lesson until I get it, huh?)
- Visited two new states (with another one to come this weekend)
- Booked a trip to Iceland, a weekend in Canada, and started planning a visit to Costa Rica, all for this year
- Cooked an delicious, memorable meal and was joined by some of my closest friends for it–almost all of whom I have known for less than a year
- Reunited with family down South for a week of adventures
- Become a mentor (through a program that I am also obsessed with)
This list is not meant to be a reflection of accomplishments or “goals” achieved, so much as a reminder that this–this life that I am living–is the one I dreamed about. That these are the things I have wanted to do. Traveling, climbing mountains, loving people: these are the things that make me feel like me in a way that is refreshing and which I have never before felt as strongly.
Nor is this list meant to imply that everything is perfect. Of course, it isn’t. But the imperfections and frustrations feel better, too. They do not come close to outweighing the happiness I feel. They are manageable and I feel like I do not have to figure things out on my own. That, too, is refreshing. I have a deeper sense of trust in life when I know that I can text my best friend something personal and troubling, and she will know just what to say, and pass no judgment. I can talk more openly with my family, friends, and roommates than ever before, for the simple reason that our relationships are good and I feel accepted by them. Knowing you are loved is empowering beyond measure. And I don’t know that I have ever felt so secure and confident in that love as I do now.
Essentially, the life I am living right now is the one I wanted for myself. There is more to do, and see, and figure out, but for right now I’m just going to let it ride. I think the Universe is bringing me more good things. And I feel that I have so much left to discover. In the words of Gaby Comprés: