I’m following my heart, and here I am. In 24 hours, my plane will be taking off for London.
Tomorrow is my last day at work, and as soon as I’m done with my shift I’ll go to the airport. I spent this week training my replacements and preparing to leave my office in the best possible condition. I took care of outstanding tasks and projects, archived old materials, cleaned and organized every nook and cranny of the office, and left helpful resources out for the new staff members. I edited and polished the manual I created, which I’ve been working on for my 14 months at the company.
And tomorrow is my final push. My final day of giving my all to the organization before going on my first solo international trip – and then figuring out my next steps.
I can’t describe how free I feel knowing that my life isn’t planned out. There are a few things I’ve scheduled for when I get back, but for the most part, my life is open and I feel so hopeful about what comes next.
There are some things I want to remember going forward. Right now, I know that these things are true, but it can be easy to forget when life gets hectic, so I’m writing them here for future reference:
1. It is easy to wonder whether you’re doing the “right” thing. In some ways, there really is no right or wrong thing. In the words of Louis MacNeice, “in brute reality there is no / Road that is right entirely.”
But even though wrong and right aren’t as black and white as we might like them to be, you do always know what you really want. I couldn’t decide if quitting my job was the “right” thing to do. But I did know that I kept trying to find evidence and support and signs that would prove that it was the right decision. And I found the signs everywhere, because I was looking for them and asking for them (and because I needed about a hundred signs before I could convince myself to follow my gut). So whatever you’re trying to convince yourself of is probably the right thing for you.
If you need a reminder of this, it helps to listen to Hozier’s “Someone New” on repeat: “Would things be easier if there was a right way? Honey, there is no right way.”
2. When you make a decision that comes from your authentic self, people will respect it and will genuinely wish you well.
The people who don’t are the ones who don’t support your growth and happiness, anyway.
3. Don’t be afraid to disappoint people. If you are doing something because someone else expects you to, then reevaluate. Ask yourself why it’s expected of you and why you continue to do it. Is it because it genuinely helps you? Or is this sense of obligation something that only benefits others? It’s good to be altruistic and helpful, but there are limits. Only you can draw those lines.
4. Kindness goes a long way. You will never regret being patient and kind and thoughtful. Especially when people return that kindness back to you when you need it most.
5. It’s all okay. Really.
Life can feel so messy. After all, life is messy, divine chaos with moments of quiet understanding – and a lot of the time, we’re stuck in the middle of the chaos, and it feels like life will always be a mess.
But those moments of quiet understanding are so beautiful. Right now, I know that I made the best possible choice for me. I am looking at a future that fills me with hope, rather than dread. And I look forward to tomorrow and the next day and the day after that.
In this moment, I’m just going to follow my heart. First stop: London. We’ll figure out the rest as we go.
Unpacking Happiness 